Are there FOB shipping costs on the ironing board?

I am home. Last night, we stayed at an airport Ramada. This was not a fancy hotel by any stretch of the imagination. And there was a placard in the room which struck me as funny. It started by stating, "Due to the popularity of our guest room amenities, our Housekeeping Department now offers them for sale."

Yes, I know this is their way of saying "don't steal the room supplies" but really - "due to the popularity" - really??

It goes on to list the various expected items (sheets, towels, comforter from the 1970's for $80, etc.) and some unexpected ones:
alarm clock: $25.00
iron/board: $30.00 (ea.) - At first I thought, how did people fit the ironing board into their suitcases and get it out unnoticed? Later I met the nighttime and early morning desk crew, and I concede, with them on duty, you could carry that bad boy out completely unnoticed.
hairdryer: $45 - really? the one screwed into the wall?

Regarding the front desk personnel, I asked about the shuttle to the airport. The conversation went something like this:
Desk person: "The first shuttle leaves at 4 AM then shuttles run every 45 minutes after that. So at 4, 4:45, 5:10..."
I interrupt: "Um, 5:10?"
Desk person: "You want the 5:10 shuttle?"
Me: "No I am just wondering why there is one at 5:10."
Desk person: "Oh I don't know. Maybe I am doing that wrong."
Me (to myself) - yes maybe

Directionally Challenged

This weekend, between games, I spent about 2-3 hours sitting at the sign-in table for teams at my hockey tournament. While sitting there, a large number of people (I bet close to 20 different groups of people) came to the table to ask how to get out of the building or to get to the parking garage attached to the building. Now, I will admit that this is a large building, and it could potentially be a bit confusing if you are not used to an ice arena. And there was a large motocross contingent in town for an event (I'm not saying, I'm just saying...). But I still could not help being baffled by the number of people lost. I really wanted to tell them to follow the route they took to get into the arena, assuming of course, that they were not born there.

Is it a crime if I don't sweep?

About a year after Phollower and I moved into our house here in the Midwest (about 6 years ago), we had a large group of friends over. One of their children lost a toy behind our refrigerator. The child's parent, AK, and I tried to get the toy out but could not reach it. AK had the brilliant idea to use the broom handle to fish it out. I went to get the broom from the closet. But there was no broom in the closet. I searched around a bit, the usual places, places where I thought a broom might be kept. No luck. So I discreetly (I thought) went and asked Phollower where the broom was. He went to get it. When AK saw Phollower coming with the broom, she exclaimed "You don't know where you keep the broom in your house!" Turns out Phollower had moved it shortly after we moved in, and since he is the cleaner, I did not even notice! I still get crap for that little incident.

Just because it comes in a small tube does not mean it is travel-sized toothpaste

Since Zoe brought this up....

Raise your hand if you have ever read the back of a non-edible product, seen the "if accidentally ingested..." line, and thought to yourself - how is this accidentally injected?!? Don't be shy - my hand is up. Well my friends, I am about to solve that little mystery for you. Picture it...hotel room, USA, 2008. I have just taken my contacts out only to realize that I forgot to pack my glasses for this trip. This is bad since I am basically blind without my contacts/glasses. I take a small tube of something I think is my travel-sized toothpaste out of my suitcase and squirt it on my toothbrush. It looks a little funny, but you can't be too brand specific when buying travel-sized toothpaste and often mine comes free from the dentist, so I think nothing of it. It tastes horrible - not minty at all. I figure it could be that nasty baking powder toothpaste. Also, the room was musty smelling and the water had been turned off before I got there (leading to brown water when I first used it). So maybe it's just the water which tastes funny - best not to complain. After about a minute though, I begin to wonder just what I put on my toothbrush. I pick up the tube, turn it around front side up, and hold it about 1 cm from eyes to read it. It says "Clearasil." I begin to spit and wash my mouth out, giggling the entire time. My friend, brushing her teeth next to me, shows great concern when she realizes what I did by saying "At least your mouth won't break out!"

Technically Speaking,

We were at a hockey game last night and the referee called an infraction. Zoe turned to Jack and I and said "what was the call?" I raised my hand in the air and began to open and close my fist in response. Zoe looked at me like - how does that help? Jack, always the verbal one, said "hand pass." Always the one with the technical definitions (or the one with word finding problems), all I could think of was "touched with hand and gave to someone else."