Grocery Shopping with Kaaarrrl

We had to stop at the store for a few groceries yesterday. Kaaarrrl and I were going in to the store and we had 6 things to get. Since there were so few things to get, we decided to just remember the list, rather than writing it out.

Me: So we need sweetened condensed milk, chocolate chips, beer, and oats.

Kaaarrrl: Ok, so I got oats and chocolate chips. Hey Phollower, do you want more eggnog?

Phollower: Yes.

Me: Ok so now we need sweetened condensed milk, chocolate chips, beer, my prescription, eggnog and oats.

Kaaarrrl: Ok, so I got eggnog and beer.

I am laughing hysterically that he changed what he had from a few minutes ago

Phollower: You guys aren't going to remember any of this and you'll bring 3 6-packs of beer and 2 bags of chocolate chips home.

Kaaarrrl

My brother, Kaaarrrl, is visiting this week. So there won't be too much from me this week, EXCEPT on Christmas. I put that up weeks ago. :) Have a great holiday!

Also, check out Nate's new photo blog. Tysgirl, you'd like it - there are lots of aquarium photos (mine and Shedd).

Because Scarecrow requested it....

The other day my Dad and I were talking on the phone. He was planning to rent a movie, but he said all the movies he had seen recently were crap. So he was torn about what movie to get - maybe one about Queen Elizabeth (I think Elizabeth: The Golden Age) or one about the rule of Cromwell in England (which I can not recall the name of).

Here is how the conversation went from there.

Dad:...continuing on the topic of the Cromwell movie..."I wonder if they will deal with what he and [some guy I never heard of] did to [can't recall who]. They really screwed them."

(Edit: He said "I wonder if they would deal with Cromwell's invasion of Ireland. He really screwed them.")

Me: "Phollower and I are thinking of watching Iron Man on our new TV."

Dad: "An iron man competition?"

Me: "No the movie Iron Man"

Dad: "Oh I thought you meant that iron man competition or the world's strongest man competition."

Me: "No it is a movie about the comic book character, Iron Man."

Dad: "You are watching movies about comic books? Good thing you're 12 years of college education isn't going to waste."

(Edit: He said that he said, "I am glad I worked and sweated to pay for 12 years of college so you could sit around and watch cartoons." But he's old, so who's memory are you going to trust?)

Yup....good thing - that new TV rules! And by the way, we have not been able to rent Iron Man, so don't ruin it for me. And those of you who watched that Cromwell movie better not say anything either, just in case he hasn't seen it yet. Wouldn't want you to blow the ending or anything!

....which reminds me of another funny movie story.....

:ok

For those of you who are waiting to hear the review of True Blood, I am giving it another couple of weeks. Right now, I am not impressed. It seems very reminiscent of the Twilight series.

Instead of a real review, I have a funny story about my Dad to tell, which coincidentally fits with the running theme of "all things butts" here at my blog.

Text message from my Dad: "Colon all ok"
This leads me to believe I have forgotten that something was amiss about his colon. Usually, I am not one to forget cancer scares.
Me back: "Were we expecting something else?"
Dad back to me: "Nope, just routine check. Keeping you updated."

One the one hand, I am glad to have such an open relationship with my Dad. I would worry if I thought that he might not be ok. But on the other hand, I kind of think, "no news is good news" on issues of colons, breasts, and pap smears. Keep that in mind if you are thinking you need to report in. I am assuming you are ok until I hear otherwise.

I told Phollower, BP, and Zoe about the exchange (of course). This led to the usual stupid jokes (of course), which I can not help but share with you - since we are all so crazy funny! :)

Phollower: You should tell him that I checked, and your colon is ok too.
[Then imagine the sound of little, perverted wheels turning.]
Phollower: He could have just typed ":ok"
Zoe: How long would you have stared at that wondering what the face meant.
BP: It's a surprised guy with an open mouth in a bow tie, like the look on your Dad's face when he was getting his colon checked.
[BP then made the face.]
BP: Wow, your Dad has his own emoticon!

So there you have it, Dad. If you are still reading my blog, I am sure you regret it now.

Everyone's fantasy???

Yes, we are back from Buffalo. While there, Phollower, Kaaarrrl (my brother), MrsOz (my sister), and her husband spent a few days on some land my Dad owns. It was a nice time. Here is one of the conversations which occurred while we were sitting around a campfire. Don't ask - I don't recall how this conversation started. I think MrsOz brought it up out of nowhere.

MrsOz: I think double penetration is secretly everyone's fantasy.
Me: Ummm...no I would bet not. Do you know what that is?
MrsOz: Yes.
Me: Ok, what is it?

For this part of the conversation, she acted like I was an idiot for asking her to explain this concept. But the rest of you I imagine can see why I did.

MrsOz: Well you have two guys at once.
Me: Yes, but where do you have the two guys?
MrsOz: Well you have the regular place and then there is only one other place really.
Me: Where is that one other place?

Wait for it...Wait for it...

MrsOz: The mouth.
Me: Ummm...no. That is not what is meant by double penetration.
MrsOz: Oh. In that case, I take back what I said earlier about it being everyone's fantasy.

This left me wondering how even her definition was everyone's fantasy. But maybe that's just me.

Sweet Sisters

My nephew (who is 3 1/2 years) had surgery on his eye today. He is doing just fine. My niece (his sister), who is about 5 and 1/2 years, was so cute about it. He could not have breakfast because of the surgery, so she did not have it either until she went to Grandma's house. She didn't want him to feel bad. On the way out the door, she told him to "do good on his surgery." How cute is that?

In Honor of my Dad

In honor of Father's Day, I thought I'd pick on my Dad. My Dad likes to kid around with us, using our terms. This is a riot since often he gets them just a bit wrong. He used to make fun of "hip" sayings when I was kid, saying things like "Right arm dude." Now, I am not sure if he is kidding with us or if his hearing loss is causing him to hear things wrong.

A few examples:

We have a game we call "Chip Whore" since the point of the game is to collect chips. We are creative namers like that. One day my Dad asked to play "Chipour". Confused the hell out of Phollower and I.

Remember the forklift? He called it the "steam shovel" later on in our vacation, causing us all to laugh our asses off.

Also while we were vacationing, he was yelling for his wife who was inside one of the cabins we stayed in. She did not answer. So my brother suggested she was inside masturbating (note: my family is brutal), causing my Dad to say she was "rubbing one off" (instead of "rubbing one out" as our little group calls the deed).


My Dad is a great Dad and a good friend. I know picking on him is not a nice way to say "Happy Father's Day." But it is the way my family shows love. And I do love him, crazy sayings and all.

Garbage Pickers

I am staying with my sister, MrsOz, and her husband, TrapperJohn, for the week - hence the quiet period here. They have 3 kids and playing with them is more fun than blogging.

Anyway, my brother, Karrlll, was over last night for dinner and to hang out. A few hours after we had cleaned up from dinner, Karrlll said "Oh no. I think someone threw my retainer out." It seems he took it out before dinner, wrapped it up in a napkin, and left it on the counter. His fear...when all the table junk and papers got moved from the table to the counter, it was mixed in and thrown out. Karrrlll got the garbage bag (which had already been taken out to the can) and brought it in. MrsOz and TrapperJohn started to help Karrlll pick through the garbage looking for the retainer, picking up little used napkins, etc. You get the picture. After about 5 minutes of searching, Karrlll says "Well that's enough looking in here. I'll take this back out." For those of you who are thinking like I was, he did not give up and he did not find it in the garbage. He actually saw it sitting in his work bag - where he put it when he took it out.

Glad I didn't get off my fat butt to help!

Somebody's Sister

Phollower and I heard that our high school class is planning a 20 year reunion this year. Yes - we went to high school together (but were not high school sweethearts). And yes - it has been 20 years since we graduated (much to my surprise). Finding out was like getting a little "hey - you're old!" email. We went to high school with my brother-in-law, Trapper John. We hope that this means that if we go, Trapper John and my sister, MrsOz, will also go.

Bit of back story: I switched into the school in my senior year. And while I had friends (including Phollower), I certainly did not have an opportunity to meet everyone in the school, let alone everyone in my year. In fact, MrsOz knows about as many people (if not more) that I went to high school with as I do. She remembers everyone she meets. We used to joke she'd meet someone at a bar and say, "Oh I remember you. We were in kindergarten together!" And MrsOz is more pretty and charismatic than I am, but at least she is humble about it. In fact, Zoe jokes that when MrsOz comes to visit and I introduce her to my friends, like the people I play hockey with, that I become "MrsOz's sister" instead of Sylvia.

Anyway, Phollower and I imaging the get together will go something like this:
Graduate A: So you said your name was?
Me: Sylvia Xxxx (note: I am not Mrs. Phollower as I did not take his last name)
Graduate A: Nice to meet you. Have you met TrapperJohn's wife? I think she said her last name used to be Xxxx. She said she was someone's sister who we went to high school with but I didn't know that person.

Oh well. Maybe MrsOz will introduce me around at the party at least!